Every Monday, I share 1 question for you to contemplate, 1 idea from me, 1 quote from others, and 1 inspiration for us.
This week’s topic is: Feedback
Figure Skating season started in October and, over the last few weeks, I enjoyed discovering the new programs of my favourite skaters, seeing them pushing their limits and watching their reactions in the Kiss and Cry. In figure skating, the Kiss and Cry is the designated area where figure skaters go after their performances and anxiously await their marks. This is the place where skaters begin processing what just happened out on the ice with their coaches and where they receive instant feedback from the judges. Figure Skating is a highly competitive sport that relies on endless self-improvement and feedback, positive and negative, is key to achieve mastery.
One Question for you
In life, like in figure skating, feedback can be extremely useful and help one to grow, expand and flourish. Other times, feedback can be rooted in less positive motives and be delivered without a spirit of gentleness.
Discuss the question here.
One Idea from me
Feedback is essential to improve and reach one’s full potential. But giving and receiving feedback can be hard and practice, clarity and integrity are fundamental ingredients to success. There are so many formulas and methods out there, like the feedback sandwich, the cookie, the wrap (funnily enough they are all food related…). Content and methodology are very important, but attitude, critical thinking, growth mindset and approach are even more significant. This week I share some tips on how to give and receive feedback in a way that is grounded in compassion, authenticity, integrity (for others and self) and kindness.
Giving feedback: Over the years, I learned that the most important factor in giving feedback is being clear. Being clear about your intention, being clear about your messaging and being clear about the impact. As Brené Brown puts it: Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. This week I invite you to reflect on these questions before you offer feedback to others: 1. Why do you feel it is important to share this feedback now? 2. What is your intention in offering feedback? (Acknowledge that our feedback is rooted in our lens, not theirs and ask if your intention is selfish or selfless) 3. What can you appreciate, understand, recognize about the other person? 4. How is your observation prejudiced? 5. What leadership do you need to bring in the feedback conversation?
Receiving feedback: When we receive feedback, we usually go through three phases – we react, we reflect and we respond. I feel very grateful that throughout my career I mostly received feedback that was constructive, extremely helpful and delivered effectively with positive and caring intentions. Receiving this type of feedback is truly a gift that helped me to unmask some blind spots, grow, change and improve. Because it’s a gift, the very first response should be the one of gratitude. Restating what you heard and mentioning what you will do with the feedback can be some powerful next steps. However, throughout my career, I also had some less positive experiences which were also gifts and made me realized that feedback must always be analyzed and critically assessed. This process is different from being defensive or not open to receiving feedback - in these unfortunate situations (e.g. when the feedback is grounded in biases or there’s an hidden agenda), for feedback to be valuable it is important that we curiously ‘analyze’ it before responding or actioning it. When you receive this kind of feedback, I invite you to listen, be open and curious, take what’s helpful and leave the rest. Here are two tips for you on how to navigate this:
1. Examine what is said and not who speaks: Instead of focusing on how the message was delivered and by who (especially if these are triggering factors), stay focused on the learning and evaluate the message with an open and curious mind. Ask yourself: What is the main message? How is this feedback useful for you? What is the consequence of ignoring this feedback? How can this feedback help you improve? How can you apply it?
2. Ask questions: If you disagree with the feedback, contemplate the possibility of asking clarifying questions or asking for a second opinion from someone else. Asking the feedback giver questions can cast a light on the real intention and generate feedback that is clearer and more specific. In addition to reducing ambiguity, asking questions can turn feedback from a one-way conversation into a productive dialogue that can enhance the relationship.
One Quote from others
“If you’re not in the arena also getting your butt kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” Brené Brown
One Inspiration for us
Inspired by figure skating and the concept of feedback, this week I am sharing the World Champion Kaori Sakamoto’s Short Program from last season called: Feedback. It’s a super cool, entertaining and dynamic performance: enjoy it!
Comments